It feels like 4 years back...

the pain, helplessness and anxiety. its not fair. why does it have to turn out this way. its horrid to make us all go thru this once more. its not fair to mum especially.

i watched her from afar in the wee hours of the morning. the rotating lights seem somewhat familiar to some. not the best item to be associated with. many cringe at the thought of it. yet she has to experience it. the pain was just a torture.

the drive with mich was somewhat silent, just punctuated with moments of sniffles. rational. we had to be. we knew the wrenching feeling within. yet there was unsaid..agreed consensus.

the day passed slowly.. just had to wait for the knock off time. every other hour was just the beep on the cell phone for updates. i knew she couldnt say much. i just wanted to be strong for her.

alas, the moment of truth. i wasnt able to keep it in any longer. fled off in the cab... i shdn't have stayed in the office for that long...

all else is history.and now, what's ahead feels very intangible.